The McShit

So it took be a couple days to digest... twas was my first shit since I ate the Quadruple Big Mac. I was lying on my bed, when suddenly it finally it came out of nowhere. Like I mean I had no warning whatsoever; suddenly I just had to shit. Badly. I ran downstairs to quickly grab my almost battery-dead phone from the counter, then ran to the nearest bathroom, butt-cheeks tight, with sloppy shit beginning to withdraw from my anus hole. I pulled down my pants and lifted the seat up as the first plop of poo, deformed from the butt-cheek squishing, departed from my rectum. My god the stench was malodorous, I was having trouble breathing. More and more turds continued to go into exile, when I noticed my phone had zero battery bars left. I quickly look a picture while I still could, when my phone shut off. Unfortunately the one photo I was able to take was a bad one...

The flash hath failed me. I am truly sorry for this. It really pains me that some people were really hoping to get a good glimpse of the McShit. However, if you look upwards you can see a bit of a rusty-brown turd. The shit was fairly uniform. Unlike my other shits, this one had no random, visible foods. After this fail of a photograph was taken, I began to shit more, and more, and then even more. The toilet bowl was loaded with McShit.

I just want to put this out there, that in order to be a good shit photographer, you must have your camera charged and ready at all times. I have failed you once, but I can assure you it won't happen again. 

Good luck fellow shitters,

-DeuceDropper

'tis The Season

Name of Movement: Sunday Morning Serpent


Magnificence: 3/10


Estimated Weight: 4 oz


Description: This bowel movement was taken on a Sunday whilst processing a giant hangover. The snake went much deeper than is visible in this picture, but I didn't want to stick my phone in the toilet so this is unfortunately the best I can do. Notice the smooth texture and flowing structure of the shit. As the poo exited my asshole, it felt wet. I wasn't sure if it was diarrhea but it definitely wasn't a ring of fire which was a nice surprise. You can also see how the lower portion of the shit is a very dark black. This is normally caused by excessive alcohol intake. A typical hangover shit will be more of a black splatter sundae, but I was spared on this fine sunday morning.


Relevance: The holiday season is a wonderful excuse to get stupid drunk with your family and friends. Even if you know that virgin mary was a lying whore, it is still appropriate to get hammered. Nobody likes hangover shits. They burn, they smell like toxic, and they are shockingly coloured. To avoid some of these problems, try to stick to higher quantities of low alcohol % drinks as opposed to smaller amounts of high %s.


Primary Diet: Alexander Keiths Pale Ale, St. Louis Suicide Chicken Wings.

Happy Drinking,

- ShitzuNami

The Quadruple Big Mac

I've heard legends of people ordering a Quadruple Big Mac, but I've never actually seen anyone order it. Well, last night I did it, and I devoured the entire thing.

What you see there is 8 greasy patties stuffed between 3 buns drizzled with heart-attack sauce. I ordered it so I can prove myself to my skeptical friends, and of course, to be able to make a dirty 15 oz McShit to be posted on this blog. Now, I don't want to disappoint you all, but I'm not even sure if this will digest or just sit in my stomach. Put it this way, I'm already farting like there's no tomorrow.  

Happy Shitting,

- DeuceDropper

A Shitty Week

Well guys and gals and mexicans, I present to you this week's shits - coming straight from my asshole. My body has been producing a lot of shit lately, and I'm very excited to share it with you.

Monday - The Fecal Fetus

It started off with some semi-diarrhetical turds exploding at 10 km/hour from my rectum. These turds can be seen in many pieces hanging out at the bottom of the toilet. They have a nice green tint to them. When I thought I was done, another, much larger turd shot out with a nice splash-back. The stench hit my nose immediately, and I knew whatever just came out of my ass was not like my usual shits. I looked down between my legs into the shit-bowl in surprise, to stare into the eyes of what looked like a fetus emerging from its cocoon. Take a good, hard look at the photograph, and maybe you can see how my description matches the big floating turd. If you look at the upper region of the fetal-shaped poo, you may notice what looks to be a yellow object stuck in my poo. I have reasons to believe that whatever it is cannot be corn. One being that the corn in corny poos tend to be more dispersed, and not concentrated at a single point. The other reason being that I don't remember eating corn prior to this.

Tuesday - Momma's Lasagna

Some call it beautiful, others call it grotesque, realists call it a pile of shit, and I call it my mom's lasagna. I wonder if it tastes as good the second time around? Perhaps I shall get a mexican to test that? Anyways, as you can see, that's a lot of shit. I do rather enjoy the hybridization of sloppy mush and log-like turds. This shit took me a solid 2 flushes to get down. If you look closely enough, somewhere closer to the right side of the photo, you can actually find the hole where the shit actually goes down! 

Wednesday - The Broken Pretzel

Were you thinking of pretzels when you saw this? Because I was. I was quite surprised when I saw it. It felt like I shot out a single turd, but man was I wrong. To my surprise I saw a series of hook-like logs. Their shape must have caused those skid-marks on the bottom of the toilet bowl as they were being released. Take notice of the red dot on the lower log of shit. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, and I promise you I have nothing against pakis, but does anyone else find it a bit humorous that there's a red dot on a bunch of shit? 

Thursday - Fluffers

This shit is full of foods from the vegetable tempura that I previously ate. It looks almost furry, as if you could pet it and use it for warmth. Wiping grossed even me out. As I'd wipe, I'd look at the toilet paper to check on my anal region's shit concentration to find a fucking green pepper. Something they put in that Japanese food really fucked with my digestion.

Cheers,

- DeuceDropper

Shitting and Texting

Texting and BlackBerry Messaging are wonderful creations. I love the fact that I can text people at any time, and in any place. I also love that I could text lies like "you're not fat!" to my ex-girlfriend while laughing my ass off, and she would have no idea what was really going on. Apart from texting while drunk and driving, my favourite time to text is when I am shitting.

Typing a message onto your phone while a gigantic dense shit is being secreted from your rectum is unlike anything I have experienced before. Maybe the fact that the person you are messaging has no idea what is really going on is what makes this experience so amazing? Truth be told, I have no idea why, BUT I highly recommend you avid crappers give it a try immediately.

If you don't have anyone to text because you're a fucking asshole or a mexican, try brick breaker, snake or other arcade type games. This will provide you with 60-82% of the enjoyment received from texting and shitting.

Regards,

- ShitzuNami